Valentine Blues !

This Valentine’s Day is one I would love to forget in a hurry. Then again, it’s not so easy.

I knew this day would be different, when I accepted a call to drive someone all over town and back for keeping some mundane family politics in shape. Not that I refused to do it. Next, my car got a Valentine card from my Exide battery, complete with a rose, in the center of the city. Followed by picking up folks from the station in the night to take them to a hospital, where a 2-year-old kid had had his eye removed. And watched his family members weep. To top it all I did the drive, and was a mute listener to a one-hour dirge on social, health and gynecological problems.

Oh, and what about my Valentine? Don’t get your hopes up on that one…

Days like these better be the stuff of a strictly one-time rant. Hopefully my next Valentine’s Day will treat me kindly.

When friends part ...

I miss her a lot. Her laugh, her pout, her grin. Evenings with her wolfing down spicy panipuris have come and gone in a flash. Her glaring look if angered, standing at the doorway, arms akimbo…

She descended into my life ,literally. Working in the bowels of a cold building a few summers back, I warmed up to a cheery “ Hi! “. My bum chum at work fell for her instantly. Not me, Mr. Reserved Banker with a stiff upper lip. For some time after this meeting, our conversation bordered on the Hi’s and the how do you do’s. We seem destined to end as casual acquaintances. Fate willed otherwise. Sitting with her at yet another boring office party, celebrating yet another mundane milestone, we got talking. Many stories, scandals, and great laughs later, our pact of friendship was sealed. In her, I had come across that truly rare species; a warm, genuine human being.

Many moons and several plates of panipuri later came the time to part. I drove her to the airport, hoisted her bag and bade her good bye. And did not ask for a hug. And yes, I wanted one.

I’m sure she is well settled and happy back home, no doubt making tons of friends anew. In this age & time, I’ll never be far removed from her either. But when will I get that hug from her? Or see her smile again? Or gulp panipuri together? When friends part …

Decisions, Decisions …

As a legendary procrastinator (does this word exist? – it must, spell check says ok) and a recent convert to the world of decisive thinking, I’ve always marveled at the ease with which some people take decisions. Take Dad, for instance. While I’m still flummoxed with the intricacies of the broken egg on the spotless floor, and delicately balancing the nuances of the issue on hand, he is on Step 3 of the resolution. Often, the only speed breaker he has had to handle while assisting me in solving my problems has been my own sluggishness.

Decisions fascinate. If it’s not the unknown horrors lurking in the aftermath of the choice, then it’s the fear of failure that inspires dread. My favorite reason however is the feeling of oneness behind every decision. Once a door is opened, contrary to popular myth there is only a particular door (and not multiple ones) that can be opened. Fishbone diagrams look good on fish, not in reviewing alternatives in real life.

A close second is the puzzle of why other people react to a decision. Does not my decision impact me the most? If so, and when I am at peace after deciding, why are you so hurt/ angry / jealous/ envious / aghast with it? Is it because you are forced out of your tortoise shell into making a decision, much against your natural inclination to procrastinate? Or is it because you have nothing better to do, than criticize every bloke who makes a choice ?

Why this rant on decisions? Well, I have taken some pretty significant decisions this year. I’ve identified a path for myself to walk on. More importantly, I’ve willed myself to walk on it successfully. Decided, after much sighing at the moon, to tread carefully in my love for someone. Resolved, to work harder at spreading my message of the Four Pillars of Respect. But, the most important decision I’ve taken this year till date, is to never bottle up my voice. The truth is out, thanks to this blog.